


Letters

by LesbianDragon_LD



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Edeleth, F/F, Grieving, Hubert and Bernadetta are mentioned, Letters, Pining, Sad, letters Edelgard wrote to Byleth, mentions death, set during Edelgard's lonely years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24563734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianDragon_LD/pseuds/LesbianDragon_LD
Summary: Between the two letters she actually sent to her, a lot of them were left unread.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 21
Kudos: 125





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time trying to write something in more of a "diary" style.  
> I actually started this fic a longer time ago, but only now did I have the time and pateince to finish it!  
> It's been a while since I last wrote some angst, and I was in the mood for more...and what better angst to write than Edelgard missing Byleth, right?  
> So I just imagined letters she would have written to Byleth, as a way to try to convey how she felt.  
> Also the first and last "letters" are the only canon ones btw. The rest are made up.

Year 1180

I hear that it’s your birthday, Professor. I hope you have a joyous day. Here’s a gift from the house...myself included.

Year 1181

I miss you terribly.  
It’s been days since you were gone and everyone is losing the last remnants of hope they cling to. I’m hoping for your safety, but each day that passes by without a trace of you drains my hope. My dearest wish is that you’ll return to me one day, but no matter how hard I search for you, I simply cannot find you.  
I know you will never read this letter, but Manuela suggested that I still wrote to you, that it will help me to deal with your loss. To pour out my feelings as if I was speaking to you, telling you all that I wished to tell you before you disappeared.  
I couldn’t do it at first.  
It pained me.  
I burned down all of my first letters to you, simply because I couldn’t bring myself to write them until the end. This one is the first I was able to finish, for one reason or another.  
Manuela says they help.  
But I’m not entirely sure if that’s the case.  
When I think about how you’ll never read these words, my heart starts to falter, and my desire to burn down this letter along with the others consumes me again.  
I want to burn it right now.  
This letter has become long enough. I’ll stop now. I’ll save it as if I was saving it for you, just as Manuela suggested. Please come back to me, my teacher. Please.

I feel so guilty about your disappearance. It’s been weeks, and no one knows where you are. No one knows if you’re alive, or dead. I want to believe that you are alive. It’s my fault, Professor, and I am so sorry. I dragged you with me, to fight my war...and now it could have cost you your life. I want to believe that you are alive, but Hubert keeps reminding me that no one can survive for that long under rubble.  
‘It does not do well to dwell on the past, Lady Edelgard’, he tells me.  
But he doesn’t understand. He could never understand.  
For all this time I’ve bottled up my feelings, fearful that you might reject them...but the truth, Professor, is that I am in love with you. Perhaps it is wrong of me, but I have been enamored with you for a long time.  
I just wish I had the chance to tell you, before I  
(The letter stops abruptly. Tear stains mark the paper.)

My dearest Professor, today would have been your birthday.  
I often ask myself how old would you have been today, had things been different. There was so much about you that I never got a chance to learn.  
Had you been here, today would have been a joyous day.  
Yet all I can think of is how I’ve robbed you of your life.  
I hope you can forgive me.  
I hope that, if we meet in the next life, you  
(There’s something written here, but the words have been crossed out. You can’t read them.)  
Until we meet again, my dearest Professor.

Professor. I’m not sure as to why I keep writing letters you shall never read. Perhaps they do make me feel better, in a strange way, just as Manuela suggested. There’s a strange comfort in imagining your presence, even if it isn’t real. Like a whim, one that you cannot explain, but it still gives my broken heart a bit of ease.  
I’ve searched your father’s former office today.  
I found a diary that he kept. I hope you can forgive me for reading his secrets, but I had to know more about you. I found many things in his diary.  
I found out about your real age. You were not much older than I was.  
I also found out that Rhea did something to you, when you were but a newborn. But the diary was not explicit enough for me to find out what it was. I found out about your mother, and how your father loved her. It was beautiful, to see two people love each other so much. I hope that you knew how much they loved you.  
I also found out that your favorite flowers are roses. Or at least, that’s what your father assumed. We’re solely focused on the war around us, but I managed to find some beautiful ones, enough to make a beautiful bouquet. Bernadetta helped me with the arrangement, and now, I keep them in a vase by my window. They brighten my day in a warm way, and I think about you every time I see them.  
I think you would have loved them.

Year 1182

War is breaking out fast, and we’re always on missions. That’s part of the reason as to why I stopped writing to you. There’s barely any time to do anything other than fighting, or planning our attacks. I’ve been leading the Black Eagles Strike Force as best as I could, but without you, it’s  
(The paper has been torn. The rest is missing.)

Today would have been your birthday, my dearest teacher. I know now, that you would’ve turned twenty four. I picked more roses for your vase, the one I keep by my window. I begged Hubert to help me study a certain spell, during a scarce free time. I managed to make them blue, like the color of your eyes from the day we first met...Hubert didn’t see my tears, but I couldn’t help breaking down when the spell worked.  
I miss you so much.

Year 1183

We lost so many soldiers today.  
If you were here...things would have been different.  
I don’t know if we would have lost less people, but you would have helped me staying strong.  
I know you never knew much of what to say, but your presence was enough to comfort me. To comfort us.  
This is the hardest part; to know how many lives are being lost as you helplessly watch, unable to defend them. We try to save them, but we can’t save everyone.  
We always knew it would be like this.  
This is how war works.  
But I cannot falter.  
Others can stop, and cry, and mourn the dead.  
But the Emperor cannot rest. The Emperor cannot be weak.  
It’s not an easy path.  
And yet I find myself remembering you when it gets most difficult.  
Your memory...it helps.  
It helps to remember our times at the Academy, and how you’d cheer us on.  
You help.

Today you would have been twenty five.  
I want to stop writing these letters, as you’ll never read them.  
I have to move forward. I have to keep moving forward. For them, and for myself.  
Hubert is right.  
I can’t dwell on the past.  
But it hurts so much to just try to forget. I never want to forget you.  
I’ll have to live with the fault of robbing you of your life, forever. Of never holding you in my arms. Of never telling you how I’ve felt. Of never building a new Fódlan with you by my side.  
I have to keep fighting, and I have to win this war. But even in victory, nothing will ever be the same without your presence.  
You told me that you chose this path too...but I have to carry this regret for the rest of my life.  
I’m so sorry, my teacher.

Year 1184

(The piece of paper is torn. Parts are missing.)  
I have to stop writing to you.  
But I’m not writing to you, am I?  
You’re gone. I have to accept that.  
And yet...every day I think of you.  
Every year, when your birthday comes, my heart gets so heavy.  
It reminds me of another year of your life that I’ve robbed of you.  
It reminds me of my own mortality.  
I want to see you again one day, in another life.  
If...there’s anything after all this, anything at all...if you are somewhere, I want to go to you one last time.  
(Tears stain the paper and smudge some lines. You can’t read them.)  
I hope we can meet again, my teacher.  
When all of this is over.  
So that I can finally rest by your side.

Year 1185

Professor...this is my last letter to you. I promise this to you.  
This has to be my last letter. They pain me too much every year, and I must let go of you.  
I know that’s what you would have wanted for me.  
I’ll never forget you, but I can’t cling to my past. I need to move forward, for Fódlan.  
Manuela suggested that I wrote a final letter, telling you all that I’ve ever wanted to tell you.  
So this is it.  
I’ll finally say everything I’ve always wanted to tell you.  
It’s your birthday, again. If you were here, we would have been so happy for you. We’d find the time to celebrate, even in the middle of the war. I never told you this, but we all loved you and cherished you.  
You were the most wonderful woman I have ever met.  
Ever since you saved me when we were complete strangers, I became aware of your kindness. Even behind that cold mask of an Ashen Demon, I saw a wonderfully warm woman. You cared so much for all of us, and I only hope you know we’ve felt the same.  
You were so much more than you believed yourself to be.  
You understood me. You treated me like a person. Not as a weapon, nor as an Emperor.  
You treated me as Edelgard.  
And for that...for that your memory will always remain so close to my heart.  
That’s why I am so sorry, and why your death feels so heavy.  
I wish I could have told you all this in person, before you were gone.  
Byleth, I am so very sorry.  
Please. I hope that wherever you are, you can one day forgive me.  
I loved you.  
I wanted to marry you. I wanted you to see a new dawn over a more peaceful world with me. I wanted to love you, for the rest of my life, and I wanted you to love me.  
I wanted to walk with you.  
I love you, Byleth.

Year 1186

It’s your birthday, is it not? I wish you a truly happy day. Even with times as they are, won’t you celebrate with us?


End file.
